Never looking back

“Back when you fit into my poems like a perfect rhyme” – Taylor Swift

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Streetlights

We ran all over the city streets with hearts fully open to the possibilities of life. Under the witness of both sorrow and happiness, our spirits felt the infinite rush of love. We ran so fast that our hearts forgot to beat in unison with time.

Your eyes glistened, outshining the stars while I blushed at the symphony of the midnight breeze blowing my sadness away. The empty, dark and cold alleys became our playground. They became our comfort amidst the threat of shadows.

As the night hushed us to silence, you whispered your secrets and I whispered mine. We looked at the mysterious questions of life, challenged and belittled them as if we knew the answers. And for a second, we even thought that we were the answers. How mistaken were we?

We laughed at our foolishness, at our seemingly untarnished youth. We laughed at our unrequited love as if it never existed. We were so drunk with the future that we gladly gave up our past just to live it in our fleeting present.

No goodbyes were said, for we never even met. Instead we slowly woke up from the bliss of one another alone. We fell into the harsh reality of beautiful imperfections, of heartbreak and its bliss. Living as if the streets are no reminder of our ecstasy, as if fate decreed that our meeting was an insult to the universe.

A tinge of memory was however left from our unlikely meeting, a reasonable excuse, a sober memory. To forget was of no use, for it is useless to forget what never happened. It is however very useful to be reminded of what is bound to endure.

Salvation is here

Sometimes I think it’s the end of the world. I just get easily discouraged with petty things, and I’m really afraid of the “what-ifs” of life. Maybe it’s because my mind conceived this ideal scenario of which I desperately try to achieve, then again at times, even most, I fail to let it happen.

But if there’s one thing that kept me going all these years, it’s my faith. Religion can probably make my life miserable (and it did, for quite some time) but it’s my personal relationship with God outside religion that made me realize how loved I am and how lucky I am with the life I’m living.

Every day I get tired from everything. I get discouraged with all my failures and insecurities, but yeah at the end of the day when I pray and open my bible my strength gets renewed. My day takes a turn for the better. My day counts as a testimony of His great love.

12:35

Encyclopedias in Library
My thoughts have perhaps rendered me bemused at the expense of my ambition, every time I get tired from studying I can’t help but write my sentiments. I know that I really have too much yet to learn, and life is too young  for me to demand of it the standards imposed by living the somewhat impossible. Then again I find myself paralyzed at the realization that maybe I have not done much to win the favor of my learning.

Distractions, at times, have made themselves rulers of my hours. I’d be stuck in the daydream of my emotions that I let the moments pass without turning them to reality, I told myself that I should read a good book. And I am, I’m reading Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott however it was a week ago since I last opened its pages. I paused my journey on the pages where Rowena in her Saxon beauty joined the company of Templars and their rather unusual demeanor.

Life is an accumulation of vanities, we always want people to see our happy state, yet we only reveal our pains to those we don’t want to impress. However at the triumph of our failures we regard those hopeless moments as trophies of our present, fleeting but present euphoria. I seriously don’t understand why we care so much about what others think about us more than what we think about ourselves. I guess, it’s easier to sacrifice what is not seen, but what is not seen will always inflict the greatest pain.

The mind is the battleground. And I think I’m winning against myself. So, am I winning at all?

P.S. I badly need a good storyline.

Life and I

A few months ago, I saw this “teleserye”, a Filipino term for drama series, called “Princess and I”. I wasn’t really hooked to it, but I fell in-love with the character of Jao. In the story he was the one who gave up everything. Although the ending wasn’t really in his favor, his was the story of real love. One that forgives and one that sacrifices without demands.

This is the official song theme of the series. I like for the reason that it speaks of Jao’s journey and most of all the sentiments of his heart when on the same day he lost everything yet still decided to live on loving life with what he has left. He was a hero.