1803

I read a lonely book
Her pages torn and grey
At night an unnamed crook
Takes her youth away

Her stitches all are broken
While her pictures, all are jaded
Some words are blurred and shaken
While some are gone and faded

My eyes tried to wander
Decipher what she means
But her days are short in number
Just like her cruel schemes

Her stories all are ancient
Legends, tales of heroes
A memory of olden ambient
And his untouched burrows

I read half her pages
I touched them cold and torn
And like battles between sages
Curiosity was born

I slowly turned her parchment
Too careful, too unwise
But I ruined off our engagement
And she broke to my surprise

The pages tore and fell
Down the wretched earth
I heard the shriek of hell
The loss of life and birth

Tears filled my eyes
The story stopped, twas pending
Until I came to realize
It was devoid of a happy ending

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An inescapable invite

The thoughts of a former lover
Suffer the bliss of brilliance
In blossom’s undercover
A secret scent of distance

While winter blows her kisses
His words become her flesh
His tears become her wishes
His wounds become her mesh

They trap a weary wanderer
Whose heart begins to ache
A little doubt of character
A little taste of heartbreak

When subtle tones of patience
Admit their lost regret
They succumb forth allegiance
Of once a clouded-debt

Of cold melancholy
The wanderer’s dreams reside
A prayer upon the lonely
His shattered hopes denied

T’was but a tale in heaven
Where all the angels whispered
Of love repeated never again
To be lost, to be remembered

What cost does love demand?
A life, a soul, a brother
How long can one withstand?
Its constant need for hunger

Only the brave will conquer
Though he cannot decide
Tis then his love will wither
Swept away by tide

Verse of the day

But that’s not all! We gladly suffer, because we know that suffering helps us to endure. And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love – Romans 5:3-5

At times with all the disappointments we encounter we resolve to giving up. It is true that there are times when we can barely hold own to what little hope remains but that will be the time when one will realize that submission is greater than courage. That God has already won the battle for us.

Suffering is temporary but if we give up it will become permanent. God has never disappointed me, he saves me just in time. I endure because of his love. I live with his promises every day. Beyond the assurance of hope, my faith continues to grow because of my trials. I’m certain that greater things are up ahead.

Request

Dear God,

Thank you for all you’ve done. I don’t really understand what’s happening but I believe that your plans are beyond my understanding. You know my prayers. The burdens of my heart are too much to bear, nothing makes sense except your love.

I’ve failed too many times yet your mercy remains. Lord, you know my questions, my insistent desire to pursue this great calling. The future makes my stomach cringe in anxiety. 15 years of education is not enough to survive this war called life.

Times like these make me remember every Sunday School lesson I learned as a child, every word my mother said, every verse that saved my life. My greatest fear will be the ignorance of your word. Please make me humble, my problems have made me proud while my victories have turned me to depend on my capacity.

Break me again to make me whole. Take all my happiness and worry – make them yours. Make me depend on you alone. Let all my actions, my words, my motives be a reflection of your love. Remove my selfishness and let me live for others. My perfection will be defined on how much I have pleased you.

Give me the strength to face what lies ahead. Help me understand your plans. And if I don’t understand let your love be the reason why I continue on living without answers. Lord, please take away everything that will give me false happiness. They will only burden me in the future.

Forgive me of my sins, my recklessness, my earthly desires, my disobedience. I’d rather be miserable than live in the confusion of my actions. Refine my soul, let me live according to your purpose. Let me die in the fulfillment of giving you honor.

You are my only victory.

Oceans will part

Sang this in church when I was little. This has been one of my favorite songs, true to its lyrics, it has one way or another kept me together. Telling me how much loved I am by God and how things will be okay no matter what. I wish I could sing it again.

Gone

It’s 11:30. My mom will kill me for staying up late. But things essential to the soul are better than the price of living. Plus, I’m looking for my turtle plushie named “Henry”. Can’t sleep without him.

Insomniac Scribbles

Sometimes I wish life had a manual. Something to give me specific instructions on what to do when tough times pound me away to solitude and despair. I know that life gives us people to count on when bad things happen but they’re just human and they apparently have their own problems to attend to.

I’ve been losing to myself lately. Stuck on the misconceptions of stagnant daydreams. Why am I so hardheaded? I know that running under the rain will make me sick, that staying up late will worsen my anemic blood. But I still do them anyway.

Why do we, at the eve of examinations instead of studying procrastinate? Why do we wait for the last minute to say “I love you” or “I’m sorry”. I’m here awake at all the opportunities I murdered in my stubbornness. Why do we constantly look for things we don’t even understand?

At this point, courage has reckoned my assumptions. A moment of weakness tells me that submission is better than courage. That my greatest defeat would be loosing this hope I had kept closely as danger. I watched Life of Pi with a couple of friends before the midterms and it haunted our conversations. We tried to decipher every possible symbol of the characters, the places, etc. We were dumbstruck at the artistry of such depth, of such parallelism to the things not explained by the human mind.

Though it’s aim was too simple, too important.

I always have the habit of complicating things, not because I’m a girl but because I believe there are things I will never understand and to know what they are not is my only refuge from ignorance. After I saw the movie I succumb to sickness, maybe because the theater was too cold and we squeezed ourselves under by minuscule umbrella while going back to school.

My nose bled every day after that. My parents thought I had dengue so I had to go to a clinic and have my blood checked. I’ve had my blood checked before. I guess we all did. The med-tech or whatever you call her would have this special pen thingy and pierce your finger, blood would flow freely as they get your sample through these little tubes and stuff.

I admit I was scared when she was about to prick my finger. Sometimes awaiting pain is worse than pain itself. We have always caused ourselves to worry of the things that will never happen just to be safe – the irony.

Weakness can be beautiful if it’s said with no malice. I’ve always been honest about my weakness but I don’t talk about them. Something must be wrong with me. Then again if there’s nothing wrong with you then you’re not normal. Well, that’s what they say and stuff.

I’m a bit lost. Jeremiah enlighten me. God save me.